When we catch our kids expressing negative thinking, we can gently reframe the thoughts for them to model a more positive approach.įor example, when Onetime says, “I can’t do it!” when trying to do up his zipper, or put on his shoes, I will say, “You can’t do it YET!” See how that modifies his negative thought to a positive, hopeful one? Feeling more in control of your life is definitely a step on the path to optimism. For example, “You worked really hard on building that Lego house!” or “You really took your time painting today. How can we avoid this? Comment on our kids’ efforts. Countless studies and parenting experts (Alfie Kohn, Faber & Mazlish to name a few) warn parents about the downsides of praising kids for their achievements or successes.Įven telling kids “ Good job!” can actually lead them to try less the next time they do that activity! (Read Alfie Kohn’s Punished by Rewards if you don’t believe me!) If we want our kids to persevere through obstacles, we need to show them we value effort, not just success. They are famous in my house for their catch phrase, “ If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!” But the best part of the show is the attitude of the characters. They make bridges, tunnels, docks, and homes while teaching engineering skills. One of my favourite kids’ shows for the preschooler crowd is TV Ontario’s “ Zerby Derby.” This show features remote control cars and trucks with big personalities that get together each episode to build something in their forest home. Let’s teach our kids to expect mistakes and obstacles in life, to acknowledge them, and then to ask themselves, “What have I learned from this?” Isn’t that the embodiment of optimistic thinking? 3. Now, that doesn’t mean that we discount our kids’ genuine feelings of disappointment and upset when bad things happen, but after acknowledging feelings and supporting them through their upsets, we can help point out things that they may have learned from the bad experiences, or unexpected positives that arose. Even my biggest disappointment, like not getting into the grad program I wanted, had a positive flipside (I got to tour the country for a year as a singer in a very funky disco band!)Įver since I first did this activity, I have viewed obstacles as opportunities for something unexpected but good to come! If we believe this ourselves, then we can start to point this out to our kids too. ![]() When I first did this exercise in my late 20’s, I was astonished at how easily the positives popped up! What a great lesson for me. I bet you will be hard-pressed to NOT find something positive for each negative event once you get going. It may be an unexpected opportunity arose, or you met someone you wouldn’t have met otherwise, or maybe you just learned a really important lesson about life. ![]() On the right side, beside each disappointment and struggle, try to think of something good that would not have happened if you hadn’t gone through that struggle. ![]() Make a T-chart and list all the bad things that have happened to YOU in your life on the left side. Okay – I want you to humour me and try this exercise. Frame Our Kids’ Struggles as Opportunities to Learn
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